Bring me my wine....and the head of the earth.

Crunch time. It's way too late to start but what choice do I have? I want to study something I like, do something I like. I want to be in town area on schooldays. I want to hold up my A level results slip and give the finger to everyone who said I couldn't do it, to yell "FUCK YOU" to everyone I want to do better than. I. Want. To. Be. Rich. Selfish reasons? You all want the same thing. You just pretend you don't.

Moving on, in tough times you realise who your real friends are. And I'm glad I have, though I almost stupidly threw one aside, having been tossed aside myself by several others.

I now see the reason why employers pick guys with good grades. Not because it means you're intelligent, of course not. But intelligence is difficult to quantify and doesn't show up in a resume. They want people whom they know can shut the fuck up and sit down 8 hours a day and mug their ass off for a paycheck, thats what they want. And with good grades you prove that you can indeed do that. Nothing else, but enough. I could say I refute this whole system and want out. But thats stupid too. What the fuck am I going to eat?

..

I fucked up for pretty much every subject for mid term. I have to constantly suppress wrongful thoughts every single fucking day. But thats not the problem now.

I need to learn to shut the fuck up when I'm not in the peachiest of moods. Or else I only end up hurting those I care about.

I'd kick my ass.

Yes I would.

Friend A is sad because her best friend just mentioned A's wayward sister in a conversation when A is always brought to tears by the thought and the last thing she would like to do is think about it some more.

A: *tells me that shes upset by the above.

Me: Oh, so what happened with your sister?

Fucking asshole.

Friend B is having some major family problems(on top of the many many others) and confides in me. Now B has always been my confidante, and even silly little relationship woes, she listens attentively and offers her advice and support, never let me down before.

On the other hand, I, her super good friend who cares about her so much, can't be fucked to reply her text because I was on the computer and my cellphone is charging in another room, its on silent mode and I don't walk over to check for an incoming text very often, even though Im perfectly aware that B and I are in the middle of an sms conversation. I only notice her last text when I go to remove the phone from the charger.

Fuckin asshole.


Yeah, I'd kick my ass. I don't need to wonder if I'm a shitty friend, I'd tell anyone who said I wasn't to fuck off.

Done.

Making that decision was difficult as fuck. All the conditions were right (except the goddamn thing called A levels), yet I decided not to go ahead with it. Not due to studies, mind. Even if I do get into a relationship, there will still be things I put ahead of the other person. Who I am will never change, my beliefs, my actions, my manner of speech, the music which is such an integral part of my life. Never. Ergo, it isn't exactly fair to seek out a girl and demand she accept me for who I am. Unless the acceptance comes willingly, its pointless. But if it does, that is so fucking rare and I will never let her go. But til this magical person appears, I'm all by myself.

Matt Parson's musicmanship and songwriting abilities are still blowing my mind, with DLP's release. Alas Tyranny's music has so many classical elements it hits my own sweet spot right on the head. Symphonic =/= Nightwish, its equivalent to Alas fucking Tyranny.

Where The Slime Live

Where The Slime Live

Where the slime live (They are the lowest forms of life)
Where the slime breed
(They make a new one too corrupted)
When the wind blows
(The winds of truth are blowing now)
And the cradle falls....down

Their poison fingers that wrote the poison lines
Their poison lingers
What a tragedy when their fingers are removed

Where the slime live

Their burning dogma
Introducing to our mind - lies
They plot for the total control of the morals
And what a tragedy when the "god-heads" are removed.

They crawl, they breed, they hide but we see
They burn
I see the smoke of the funerals rising
God lives in thier heads now laid to rest

What a sight
As their kingdom comes tumbling down
We burn - the ones with contrite souls be gone!

Long gone are the filthy liars
Long gone are their filthy lies
I know they'll come again some day
Where the slime live and how the slime gets washed away

-Morbid Angel-


Though Morbid Angel's lyrical themes are usually about Sumerian mythology, Babylonian Gods and the occult, it would make perfect sense if I threw these above lyrics into a song entitled say, "My Pre-U contemporaries", or in fact, any contemporaries throughout the stages of my life. No matter how old I get or how many people I meet, so many are uninformed, shallow, inconsiderate, bitchy, and worst of all, disloyal backbiters. Even people I don't know only seem to exhibit childishness, gossip-mongery, and utter idiocy. Sounds arrogant? Take a look around you. I can't stand having to be around so many people. I am in an almost trance-like state of mood, attending school only to get what I can out of lectures and quickly meet up with my actual friends, those who don't judge me without knowing me, those who accept me for who I am instead of being indignant that I don't change my nature to suit the environment.

So whats the purpose of this post, more ranting about the state of society and the failure of the human condition? Yes. However, unlike the countless other rantings of this kind(of course there're a lot of em, given what there is to rant about), I have reached a logical conclusion. Instead of complaining about society and wishing it was different, I am perfectly fine with the status quo now. I'll just do my own thing no matter where I am, no need to wish things were different. But it tolerance =/= acceptance(sound familiar?) It still is a shitworld, I'm just going to make the best of things and keep an optimistic mood, something you wouldn't expect from someone as misanthropic as me, hm? Another point for the case of "Not Judging".



Fuck.

Love songs that don't suck

Been doing all the wrongs things lately, saying the wrong things to the wrong people. A large part of my personal life which I share only with very close friends(count em on less than 1 hand) was being spoken about by me to one of the above, and whoopdee fuckin doo, some holy-rolling motherfucker decided to overhear the whole thing, possibly causing some social complications regarding mutual friends. I should be worried, but (favourite phrase), I don't give a fuck. In less than a year, all this bullshit will be behind me. Graduating is like a brutal social selection pressure, wiping out all the unimportant people from my life, leaving only those whose friendships with me are strong enough to withstand the test of not going to the same lecture theatre, the same canteen, queueing up at the same stall. Just because we don't do this mundane stuff doesn't mean we get any more distant. Likewise, anyone who does these things with me on a regular basis isn't automatically considered a friend. It's utter crap when common activities seem to suggest friendship. They may help kickstart one, but that normally dies as fast as the average intelligence of a typical Singaporean teenager. You may consider me arrogant, and guess what, everybody is, I'm just confronting what we ignore, celebrating what we deny, and if you don't like that, fuck you, and fuck everyone who said you were smart because you had good grades, and fuck you again for thinking it a pedestal.

2 friends have fallen out with me again, even if temporarily, over the same bullshit thing of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I've given up trying to mend things. If they stay pissed, let them, they're petty motherfuckers. If they don't, more power to them.

Now with reference to post title. Lovelorn pop singles or "alternative" rubbish like david archuletta and the rest of the american idol hellspawn do not move me, they do not move anyone who isn't so superficial about love that they think LYRICS alone create an atmosphere, be it happy, sad, wistful, forlorn, torn, or confused.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9gKVlN9DYE


Marty Friedman - Hands Of Time

No, its not the lovelorn lyrics that make it good. No minor tonality either, its not supposed to be suicidal, only wistful and longing. every guitar line(as per friedman's signature) ends on an abrupt target note, way out of key and yet fitting in, creating an abrupt end to a pleasantly bittersweet melody, reflecting the lines "But if loving you means letting go, then I'll just turn and walk way". On the last line, it goes "But I'll never walk away" and accordingly, the inter-verse guitar fill ends on the major 7th(I think, my theory is terrible), completing the feeling of longing that it kept bringing about and yet cutting off. Everyone throws around the phrase "music expresses what words can't", yet no one actually knows why this is so. Well, this is why it is so. Emo lyrics written by some skinny fucker in tight pants and a swoopy fringe can never evoke any feelings other than scorn, its music like this that evokes real emotions. I've listened to it 6 times, 7th time coming up in 4 seconds.

GRIND

I could rant about the state of the world, I could sink into a huge depression, I could commit ritualistic suicide just to see who would show up at my funeral. But I won't, despite the pressing temptation of the latter two. It's a sick world with sick people in it, and its always been that way. I guess expecting altruistic loyalty from people is way too much, and those who bothered showing up yesterday are a gift on their part and not something I should expect from them. A loyal friend is worth a thousand relatives, and to have these few, I am grateful. To those once loyal, I expected better but have learnt not to. Now grind.

And so it happens again. "History never repeats itself, humans do" - Voltaire

Yes it does. If you don't fucking enjoy speaking to him, then stop pretending to smile when he smiles. Stop pretending to say goodbye when you're glad to see him go. Friendship is something that shouldn't be taken lightly, least of all paraded around so you don't have to have an open argument. Don't like him? Tell him personally then fuck off. This charade benefits no one unless you take some perverse pride in fucking around with people's sincere feelings.

Even innocent surfaces belie these wretched evils. Good is no more in this world.